I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
