you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
