I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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