Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
