Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize
