I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
