wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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