Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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