none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
