True but thats because hes a fetus.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
