Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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