Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
