so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
