Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
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