I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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