Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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