Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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