I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
