The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
