tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
