Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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