John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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