hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
