Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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