Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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