I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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