halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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