You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
