no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I feel like abortions should bother me more
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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