I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
