xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
