You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
