My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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