apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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