I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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