im drinking this country out of the recession.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
