Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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