no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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