No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
