you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
