Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
