I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
