I need to stop coming to work sober
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
