Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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