I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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