Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
even my farts smell like vagina
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
