That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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