You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
