Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
