You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
