I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
