She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
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He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
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It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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