I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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