ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize