I cockslap morals
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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