dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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