Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
