Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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