All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
