Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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