better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
