And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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