can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
His nipple licking is glorious
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