I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize