I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
