I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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