She's JV to your varsity
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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