i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
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Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
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Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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