she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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