They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
